Back in 1973, my parents bought a two-bed London flat for £12k and had their first baby not long after. Mum was 23 at the time, earning £1,000 a year as a nurse, and Dad was still training as an accountant. Fast-forward 40 years and things look a whole lot different for my generation... I’m approaching 30 but ticking off the ‘grown-up’ checklist of mortgage and baby still feels like some faraway ideal. But is money the deciding factor in having a baby? A feeling that you need to have your shit together first?
Recent studies would suggest so, with headline-grabbing articles claiming big cities like London are now simply too expensive to raise a child, correlating rising house prices with a decline in birth rates. More and more women in their 20s and 30s feel they simply don’t have the financial security to get pregnant. But how much does it really cost? And is it so necessary to own a home beforehand? Would fewer avo toast brunches and 10-mile Ubers leave plenty of money to bring up a small person? To shed some light on these questions, I spoke to five women renting in London, with salaries ranging from £10-80k. Read on as they do the maths on everything from nappies to childcare to freezing their eggs, with first-hand stories on bringing up a baby in an ever-expensive city.
Kate (39) and son Finn (7 months)
Profession: Journalist & editor
Relationship: Boyfriend of two years
Housing: Two-bed rented flat in Wanstead
Household income: My boyfriend and I have a joint income of roughly £115k a year but I’m currently on maternity leave, so that’s full pay for six weeks, half pay for six weeks and then statutory, which is £130 a week. I also saved £5k to supplement the statutory period.
Monthly outgoings: Rent and bills: £1,300 per month (which partner is covering during maternity period). Loans, credit card, mobile, Sky TV etc: approx £600 per month.
Monthly amount spent on baby: Roughly £150, which covers food, nappies, wipes, formula milk and a swimming class each week.
Money didn’t come into my decision to have a baby at all. That might be because of my age; I was 38 when I got pregnant and had only been with my boyfriend for six months, so that was a much bigger fucking question to ask! But if you want a baby and don’t have that luxury of time, I think it’s a shame to keep putting it off until it’s ‘the right moment’ in any respect, because you might come to the end of the road. I’ve seen that happen to a lot of friends, which is sad.
So for me, money was probably number five down the list of priorities to worry about. Maybe you could say that’s because I earn a good salary but even so, babies don’t cost a lot of money, day to day – they just don’t. It’s like anything – you can act like Kim K and spend obscene amounts of money or you can be realistic about it.
Undoubtedly there’s a number of key things you need to buy initially (a pram, cot, baby seat, etc) but you are completely in control of deciding how many of these things you really need. It’s up to you to do your research, talk to people and don’t get sucked into the bullshit. We begged and borrowed from family and friends, bought a car seat from an outlet shop, found a play mat for a third of the price on eBay, and bought a good pram in the sale with 60% off.
Then week by week, it really doesn’t add much to the grocery bill. You can buy 56 nappies from Aldi for £3.50, formula costs £9 for a huge tub, and you can just puree the food that you would make for yourself instead of buying jars of expensive baby food once you start weaning. Apart from that, it’s nappies and wipes, coming to about £5. I used to spend a fortune on Ubers, dinners, booze, etc. I could now fill a whole fleet of Ubers with nappies for the amount of money I used to spend on that stuff.
And frankly, I don’t want to be a conspicuous consumer when it comes to my baby. I like the fact that Finn wears hand-me-downs. It’s better for the environment, it’s kind of cool that he’s wearing this hoodie that my best friend’s baby used to wear. Those babies that are dressed like mini adults, it doesn’t sit right with me. When I was a kid there wasn’t that level of hyper-consumerism. It’s not the values I want to instil. Even though I work in fashion – designer baby clothes? I don’t think so.
When I go back to work childcare will be a financial strain, unless there are changes to the government. Childcare’s going to cost us £1,100 a month for four days a week, which is a lot. People say it’s not worth going back to work (and maybe it isn’t, depending on how much you get paid) but a good friend told me to see that money as an investment in my career.
Jessica (33) and daughter Olive (6 years old)
Profession: Curriculum administrator in a further education college
Relationship status: Husband of two years (together for 10 years)
Housing: Two-bed rented flat in Kentish Town
Household income: We have a combined household income of approximately £50k per year. I work part-time, four days per week, and my husband is self-employed and runs his own floristry company.
Monthly outgoings: Rent £800, food £250, bills £350, cleaner £100 (all split with husband).
Monthly amount spent on baby: Apart from food, it’s just after school/weekend clubs, which costs around £165 per month.
I was 26 when I had Olive, relatively young by today’s standards. We were definitely not planning to have a baby as we were still very immature – going out a lot with friends and socialising – like most people in their mid-20s. But after getting over the initial shock, we decided to view it as a nice surprise!
In terms of finances, it was a struggle, and it did put extra pressure on us, which perhaps could have been avoided if we'd waited a few more years. I had only just graduated from university as a mature student, so I hadn't had a chance to build any sort of career yet, and my husband was still working long hours and weekends, in a low-paid job.
Because I was working as a temp in offices at the time, it meant that I had no job to go back to after maternity leave, so that was an added pressure once Olive turned 1 and I needed to find work again from scratch. We definitely had a baby on a shoestring. I sometimes think it would be nice to do it again now we are in a more comfortable, stable situation financially.
But at the same time, if you don't have that situation, you can still make it work. I think that in a way it's character-building not to be 'set up'. I look at friends now who are pregnant, or have babies, and they have been sensible and waited until a better time financially and I think that this does impact on your parenting style. I feel that people can disappear a bit now when they have kids; they retreat into their new family life.
In a way, it was nice doing it when we were young, broke and immature. Olive has come on so many adventures with us and all our friends. We've all grown up together! Olive sort of had to fit in with our lives, instead of us dropping everything just to 'settle down' and do the family life thing. Even if it has been a bit of a struggle at times financially, I like how we've made it work.
Alex (32) and son Max (15 months), expecting another baby boy in August
Profession: Fashion editor at an e-commerce company
Relationship status: Boyfriend of four and a half years with a one-year gap (not Max’s biological father)
Housing: Two-bed rented flat in Canonbury
Household income: Me and my boyfriend are both on decent money – our joint income is around £135k a year (when I'm full-time). I currently work three days a week and my boyfriend runs his own company.
Monthly outgoings: Rent (£2,500) and bills and subscriptions (£400) – split with boyfriend.
Monthly amount spent on baby: Roughly £1,700, which covers childcare, food, nappies, etc.
A huge cost for me before I even had a baby was having my eggs frozen. I started freezing my eggs when I was 28 after being told I was going through the early menopause. The initial treatment cost around £5,000, and I had two subsequent treatments after that, at £3,500 each.
But then it turned out I didn’t need it at all! I had a very brief relationship and managed to fall pregnant naturally; Max was a complete stroke of luck. Money was a huge issue at first because I wasn’t really with the dad and didn’t expect him to contribute. For the first six months I was paying for childcare, my rent, everything for Max myself.
I went back to work after four months, but I never knew how much kids get sick and need their mum so I was constantly dashing back and forth from work, trying to book last-minute childcare. Childcare is just shockingly expensive (I pay around £300 a week for four days). So you’re essentially working to pay for the childcare – there’s not much money left over. It makes me mad that someone gets to spend all that time bringing up your child and you’re essentially paying to go to work!
After the first six months, things got easier because I got back together with a long-term ex-boyfriend and we’re bringing up Max together, sharing the costs and expecting another baby together. The day-to-day expenditure doesn’t cost the earth, but all the things you have to buy do add up – and you buy a lot of rubbish that you don’t actually need. We’re now on our fifth pram!
Food is another big expenditure. I try and buy local produce – we are really lucky as we have a great local fruit and veg store on our doorstep that I know is fresh and good quality. Healthy food is something I’m definitely more conscious about after having the baby. Growing up in Wales, I probably didn’t have an avocado until I was 20, and Max is addicted to them. Growing up in London is a huge advantage in that respect.
The things I’ve had to give up now I’m a mum? Lots of clothes! And travel – which I miss intensely. I had all these romantic ideas that I would take Max on loads of adventures to amazing places like Reykjavik and show him the world but travelling with a toddler isn't what I thought it would be.
Ana (31) and daughter Gabriella (4 and a half)
Profession: Cleaner and kitchen chef at a jazz club
Relationship status: Divorced
Housing: One-bed part-rented, part government-funded flat in Willesden Junction
Household income: My yearly income is around £10k from working in the kitchen and cleaning, then I also receive £1,000 housing benefit per month and £144 work and child tax credit per week.
Monthly outgoings: I pay £500 for rent and utilities (after benefits), then add £80 for Sky TV and my mobile phone.
Monthly amount spent on baby: Roughly £100 a month on food, clothes and swimming lessons.
I moved away from Brazil with my husband when I was 23, we had a baby in London because Brazil is too expensive. You need to have a very good job in Brazil to have more or less a good life with a baby: nurseries are horrible and expensive, you have to buy a car because public transport is no good, you can’t trust the healthcare. Everything is so much cheaper in London, even Calpol, clothes, nappies.
I also feel much safer in London. I have help from the government, which helps so much. It depends on the borough or the place you live in but they pay me £1,000 towards my rent, so with all my bills I have £400-500 left to pay monthly. Then I get child benefit and tax credit, which adds an extra £130 a week. Because I'm on benefits and I'm single I also get 15 hours of free childcare at the nursery. The free healthcare is a gift too – I love the NHS, especially with the kids. People in this country complain about the NHS, but they complain for nothing.
I’m sadly divorced from my husband, but we still work in the same kitchen so can share the work hours and some childcare between us. It’s hard and we often fight about who picks her up from nursery. Last year he went to Australia with his new girlfriend and stayed there for six months, and Gabriella was sick for three of those months. She had a serious lung infection and was in hospital for a time, so I obviously had to stay there and stop working. Money wasn’t coming in, my boss was getting upset. I was worried I would lose my job, have no money to pay the bills. Gabriella got better, but situations like that make me think, god, if something worse happened I’d end up on the streets. It makes me crazy. If you’re in a couple and have that other person to rely on it’s definitely not so hard.
Bethan (35) and son Arthur (7.5 months)
Profession: Grants manager for women's rights organisation, Womankind Worldwide
Relationship status: Husband of four years, together for 11 years.
Housing: Two-bed rented flat in Leytonstone.
Household income: At the moment I'm earning statutory maternity pay (£141 per week) plus child benefits (£82 per month), but will return to work soon. My husband works for a Japanese electronics company full-time; our household income is around £64k when I'm working full-time.
Monthly outgoings: Outgoings of around £900 between us, which includes £675 rent, plus utilities, car insurance, Netflix, Spotify and contributions to our savings.
Monthly amount spent on baby: Roughly £170-£200 a month, which covers classes, nappies, food and extras like cotton wool and toys/books.
Money is something I worry about. Mainly because I just feel much more responsible now. I was made redundant when I was pregnant and my husband was made redundant just after the baby was born, so we haven't had an ideal time. But we are lucky that we both found other jobs easily, and all along we knew that if things got too tough we could always stay with our parents, who live a commutable distance from London. Not everyone has that option.
At the moment I'm still off work and still breastfeeding, so the costs are mainly basic things like nappies and wipes plus a bit of fruit and veg. We were given lots of clothes from friends and relatives so he's still wearing those. I do still buy quite a lot though, it's hard to resist! I probably spend about £50 per month on clothes and toys just because they are nice to buy. One thing I hadn't really budgeted for is the classes: we go to a swimming course (£20 per month), a singing and signing class (£70 per 10-week term) and then baby yoga (£3 per week). That can really add up, but I really need the classes to add some structure in the week while I’m not working.
To save money I would recommend buying secondhand, and think carefully about how much you really need things like a big pram. For the Tube/bus it's handy to have a smaller one or just use a sling if you can. I would have chosen differently if we did it again I think. Go to the local authority centre classes – we are only just discovering them and they are often free or very cheap. Also think about getting together with friends and doing a class yourself. We started doing this but now it's turned more into the mums drinking wine while the babies interact!
We don't own our house and that was a big worry for me in the decision to have a baby. In the end though, it's tough to get all the ducks in a row. It's always preferable to be set up and have a good salary, but I don't think it's totally necessary. Having a baby costs as much as you make it cost. Babies don't really need all the bumf that you end up buying; they need to be safe, fed and loved, and stimulated to an extent – but that's it.
Us both being made redundant has made me realise how temporary everything is. I had so many friends and family messaging me about their own difficult situations when they had children and it made me realise that people are rarely in the perfect situation. Babies don't come along like clockwork. They have a funny habit of coming when they are ready, rather than when you plan for them. Who can really plan to be in that perfect situation?
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